


all this, and love too

by adhoori



Series: I built a home (for you, for me) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pride, Social Media, this is just soft soft soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 01:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adhoori/pseuds/adhoori
Summary: Steve Rogers@steverogersI guess now is as good a time as any to say this. I’m bisexual. To the lgbtq community, thank you for paving the way, in many ways you are far braver than I have ever had the courage to be and I’m honored to stand with you #happypride|To Bucky, you make my life better every single day, I love you.its stars AND stripes@srogersfanKDSJFBSDKBF EXCUSE ME DID THEY JUST COME OUT WE STANIn which Steve Rogers comes out, gives an interview and builds a home with the love of his life, not necessarily in that order.





	all this, and love too

**Author's Note:**

> You don't _have to_ read the previous fic, all you really need to know is everyone lives no one dies and in my head this takes place after the events of that one. Unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own and all social media usernames and opinions are fictional! Title is from Scheherazade by Richard Siken.

Steve looks at the unsent tweet on his phone and then at Bucky, feeling the familiar shiver of anxiety down his spine. They’d talked about this,  _ god _ they’d talked about it to death, and what it would mean, the “repercussions” as their PR team liked to call them and he’s ready, but still. It feels like giving up the last bit of privacy he has. Like this too, was for everyone to see, to talk about, to judge. He takes a deep breath and sends it, before shutting off his phone and slipping under the covers and wrapping his arms around Bucky, letting himself fall asleep. Things would be okay. And if they weren’t, he’s come ( _ they’ve _ come) too far for him to give a fuck.

**_Steve Rogers_ ** _ @steverogers _

_ I guess now is as good a time as any to say this. I’m bisexual. To the lgbtq community, thank you for paving the way, in many ways you are far braver than I have ever had the courage to be and I’m honored to stand with you #happypride _

|

_ To Bucky, you make my life better every single day, I love you. _

**its stars AND stripes** @srogersfan

KDSJFBSDKBF EXCUSE ME DID THEY JUST COME OUT WE STAN 

|

**its stars AND stripes** @srogersfan

MY SKIN IS CLEAR MY CROPS ARE WATERED MY GRADES ARE UP DEPRESSION WHOMST HAPPY PRIDE INDEED

|

**its stars AND stripes** @srogersfan

IM SO EMO SOMEONE HOLD ME

**#notmycap** @jr2767

@steverogers your a disgrace to this country

**happy pride to steve rogers only** @rogersfan0704

@jr2767 die mad about it asshole. also *you’re

**bisteverogers**

captainrogers → bisteverogers

I WAS GONNA DO IT FOR PRIDE BUT ITS CANON SO WE OUT HERE

tracking #bisteverogers <3

#url change #sjfkszdfbsdf what a time to be alive #mutuals pls sb thank u

97 notes

**stevenrogers**

things he did: THAT

#fuck im crying #txt

15 notes

**capfan07**

I’m so let down time to unstan

#notmycap #dont @ me

**rogers**

@capfan07 please, unstan. always nice when the trash takes itself out

#bLOCKED

23 notes

**stevebucky**

I have never felt more validated in my life SO USED TO GIVING AND NOW WE GET TO RECEIVE IM KJDSBFKSDJFB

#stevebucky #its canon #and haters can die mad abt it

84 notes

**peggycrtrs**

peggy was the love of his life u can’t change my mind 

**jbbarnes**

sis...what part of BUCKY YOU MAKE MY LIFE BETTER EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU do u not understand

#pls...use your one brain cell #b y e

3 notes

**buchananbarns**

“to bucky, you make my life better every day, i love you”

IM...I guess I’ll just CRY???? FUCK

#god i just #its what they deserve im #bri.txt

41 notes

***

When Steve wakes up next, it’s to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and an empty bed. He briefly wonders if it’s a good idea to check his phone right away (or at all) before deciding against it. A quick bathroom trip later he steps into the kitchen, still a little slow with sleep and finds Bucky at the bar table. He’s hopped up on a stool, reading something studiously, a steaming cup of coffee next to him. Steve takes him in, his hair tied in a bun, a pair of threadbare sweats that had most definitely seen better days hanging low on hips. He looks relaxed. Comfortable. Steve loves him a stupid amount.

He makes his way towards him and wraps his arms around Bucky, tucking his face into Bucky’s neck, making him laugh when Steve noses a particularly sensitive spot. It feels like it’s going to be a good morning. They deserve a good morning after the week they’ve had, Steve thinks. Between him stressing over coming out and Bucky barely sleeping all week because of his anxiety flaring up, it’s been rough. They’ve had a lot of these weeks in the past few months, although they’ve slowly become fewer and further between. 

He’s brought back to the present with the warm press of Bucky’s palm against his arm.

“Morning, honey,” Bucky murmurs, his voice more of a rumble with disuse and Steve answers by pressing a kiss against the side of his neck, unwilling to move. Bucky is the first to pull away, twisting himself out of Steve’s embrace and turning around to face him. Steve tucks an errant strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear, taking him in. He looks tired still, but not as much as before, which is good. Sleep is something they’ve both been working hard on.

“You sleep okay last night?”

Bucky nods. “Yeah, I think I just- crashed? Tired myself out,” he says, smiling wryly.

“S’okay, I’m glad you got some sleep. We can take it easy today, I’m- I don’t want to step out anyway.”

“You- We uh, broke the internet so to speak.”

“Is that what you were looking at?”

“Yeah we- we did good, Stevie,” he says, sounding a little humbled and Steve can relate to that. It’s a privacy issue for them, but he’s starting to understand just how much these things mean to people. They got a glimpse of it when he made the announcement about Sam being the new Captain America and Steve thinks this might be similar in some ways.

Bucky smiles at him and it’s familiar and teasing and so much like the Bucky before he got drafted that Steve can’t help but smile back fondly. “What is it?”

“I make your life better, huh?”

The thing is, Steve knows he’s teasing. But  _ fuck _ , the magnitude of what he’d done this morning is maybe hitting him now and Steve is….there aren’t words for the way he feels when it sinks in that he gets to have this, a life with Bucky. It’s not the first time he’s felt this way and he knows it’s not going to be the last. He thinks his face must do something because Bucky’s teasing smile gives way to a flush.

Steve brushes his knuckles across Bucky’s cheeks. “Of course you do, Buck,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “I- two years ago, I couldn’t have dreamt this life up, sweetheart.”

Bucky looks up at him, eyes shining and- there’s no other way to say it, so much love. “ _ Steve _ ,” he says, voice strangled.

“I know, honey. I love you.” He tilts Bucky’s face up and kisses him, and then kisses him again and again and again because he can. 

***

**Steve Rogers - Avenged**

_ Out Magazine, June 2023 _

Two days after Steve Rogers’ now-viral coming out tweet, finds us taking the elevator to his apartment in Brooklyn. This is his first sit down interview in months, if not longer and retirement is a good look on him. I ask him jokingly if the retirement beard was a conscious thought and he laughs. “It’s a good disguise, I don’t get recognized as much,” he says, which is surprising given that when the pictures of Rogers with a beard had first come out- let’s just say, there were opinions. 

The apartment itself looks comfortable, lived-in. Mid-century modern meets farmhouse chic while somehow looking like it just fell together without much effort at all. We sit down in the living room with coffee and some banana walnut bread, which much to my surprise, was made by the former Captain. “I’m s--t - sorry, terrible at cooking, but uh, we found baking is something I’m pretty good at if it’s not too complicated? I like how precise it is, helps me get out of my head.”

It’s quiet inside, except the ambient noises of the air conditioning and the coffee machine. “Bucky is at a group meeting,” Rogers’ says by way of explanation. His honesty about mental health is refreshing if not inspiring. It’s something he clearly feels passionate about if his Twitter feed is anything to go by. Rogers made headlines four months ago when he announced his decision to pass on the mantle of Captain America to Sam Wilson, choosing instead to retire and continue working with individuals affected by the Blip. When I bring it up, he’s eager to talk about it.

“I think I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed it. There are different ways to help the world, you know? When I first woke up after all that time, and I think of the support system I had around me to help me navigate this century, I was incredibly lucky. Most people aren’t and I think it takes real effort to change that so any way that I can contribute - I’m happy to do it.”

Mental health is not the only thing Rogers has taken a stand on. Of the Avengers, he and Tony Stark are the only ones who run their own social media, are wildly outspoken on several key issues and have been noted to back each other up and engage in some friendly ribbing from time to time, a far cry from seven years ago when Rogers was on the run after refusing to sign the accords. “Tony and I, we’ve been through a lot. There were some deep ideological differences, but he’s family now, and we’ve moved way, way past that.”

Stark is the only other Avenger to have retired with Rogers. Stark Industries has been making definitive strides in their clean energy, sustainable food, and public health initiatives ever since Stark announced his retirement. It’s not uncommon to see both Rogers and Stark at fundraisers, raising money for these programs although Rogers admits it’s not his style. 

“I don’t think I ever really got used to it, or good at it, like Tony is. But it’s important work, you know? Getting resources like food and sanitation to some of the more adversely affected countries has been difficult but I think it’s been incredibly rewarding to see the advancements we’ve made. There’s been an outpouring of support from the people, it’s- it’s beautiful to sort of- see people come together like that. I’m privileged to be a part of it. So you know, if I have to schmooze once in a while, if that’s what comes with doing something so fulfilling- I’ll do it as many times as I’m asked to.”

Steve Rogers is indubitably sincere. There is no fluff to his answers, in this interview or online when he tackles a situation he feels strongly about. No PR jargon, no vague answers that leave you with your question forgotten. It is quite frankly one of his most disarming qualities and one that has earned him over seventy million twitter followers. I ask him how his PR team feels about that.

“I mean, what’re they gonna do, fire me from the Avengers? No, that’s- I’m kidding, I’m kidding. It was important to me to manage my own Twitter. I think...after waking up [seventy years later] and finding out that my voice, my- my image had been used to promote quite a few things that didn’t sit well with me. Captain America had become this symbol that was so much bigger than Steve Rogers you know? I just wanted my voice back, for the most part,” he says, righteous and heartfelt and it’s easy to see why he is the leader he is, Captain America or otherwise.

***

**_Steve Rogers_ ** _ @steverogers _

_ We’re humbled and honored by your love and support, thank you. _

**its stars AND stripes** @srogersfan

WE LOVE U 

**time to be extra bi** @caprgers

Okay but like, his openness about ptsd and therapy and all this charity work he’s been doing I’m crying he’s so good and kind I just wow

**#notmycap** @chad05

can they stop pandering to the gays like leave captain america alone

**we stan a bicon** @rogersfan0704

@chad05 how…is it…pandering if ur actually bi. I can’t with this website

***

**Steve Rogers: Avenged**

_ Out magazine, June 2023 _

Here’s another thing I learn as we progress with this interview. As much as Rogers is an open book about his opinions on the government, the stigma surrounding mental illness, what have you, he’s just as circumspect about his private life. 

There’s a stack of what looks like tremendously complex mathematics textbooks on the study table and curiosity gets the better of me, so I ask him and he’s surprisingly bashful.

“I’ve been taking some online classes, it’s uh- Game Theory? Uses math for analyzing strategical outcomes in competitive situations, it’s fascinating stuff, maybe my favorite thing I’ve learned so far.”

It’s easy to forget that Rogers spent most, if not  _ all _ of his time in service throwing a shield around with an unparalleled level of precision and that must’ve required some mathematical knowledge. When I bring it up, I’m rewarded with a beaming smile.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that, but yes. I was always good at school, I was inclined towards art, for sure, but math was fun and then with the uh- serum, my memory is...it's flawless really,” he says, laughing. “Howard taught me a lot of what I needed to know but it was very shield-centric, very, ‘things you need to know so you don’t hit yourself in the face’, we didn’t really have the time, you know? And then when I woke up...well, the world needed saving. And then it needed saving again, and again. You know how it is,” he finishes, smiling wryly.

I  _ don’t _ know how it is. For the most part, the public lives relatively peacefully, blissfully unaware of what’s going on and for the first time, I’m reminded that Rogers is...essentially thirty-five. Only twenty-one when he received the serum and twenty-seven when he put the plane down. There’s a certain gravitas around him that makes it easy to forget. It’s oddly humbling.

There’s a photo on the mantle of Rogers at Pride in 2013 with the rest of the Avengers on their float. He looks younger, but somehow more tired than today. It’s important to remember that the Steve Rogers in the photo didn’t know his best friend was alive. In the occasional interview after that, there have been several mentions of Rogers devastation upon learning of James “Bucky” Barnes survival and several more, of his devotion to his best friend.

More than one academic throughout the years, has talked about how Rogers’ relationship with Barnes has been queer coded from the start. 

“I’ve...I’ve read some of those books and papers. On one hand, I guess a lot of people knew before we did," he jokes. To me, he was my best friend. Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky. But I didn’t fully comprehend the depth of my feelings for Bucky until I lost him. Well, the second time,” he says, looking pained.

***

**bisteverogers**

EVEN WHEN I HAD NOTHING I HAD BUCKY IM

EXCUSE ME???? I WAS NOT PREPARED 

#ri talks # i want this tattooed on my face

18 notes

**captainamerica**

STEVE ROGERS MATH NERD FJSKFJDKN

WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING ALL THIS TIME HOW YALL THINK HE THROWS THAT SHIELD

#vindication.gif #txt

29 notes

**stevebucky**

Someone pls come talk to me abt how their apartment sounds so SOFT AND DOMESTIC it’s literally all I’ve ever wanted for them BYE

#stevebucky #out magazine 2023

65 notes

**buckys**

even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i had nothing i had bucky even when i 

#thats it thats the post 

193 notes

**carterpeggys**

im so so happy for steve, if you don’t think that peggy would’ve wanted him to be happy you’re WRONG

#god i just #im sick of the discourse #u can love two people she’s literally DEAD did no one think he would move on or #discourse

67 notes

***

Bucky puts the magazine down and then his phone, maybe he shouldn’t look at Buzzfeed articles that are compilations of what people think of his  _ life _ . He takes a deep, fortifying breath before looking Steve who had fallen asleep on Bucky’s lap somewhere around episode five. The interview was...it was more personal than any press Steve’s done in many ways but still genuine, true to who Steve is. Bucky knows how much he’d agonized over choosing the right publication and this seemed like it’d been the right choice.

He trails his fingers through Steve’s hair lightly enough that it doesn’t wake him. Steve’s hair is longer now and he’d let his beard grow back too. He looks scruffy and more comfortable in his skin and also just- really fucking hot. Bucky wasn’t prepared for the beard in Wakanda and he definitely wasn’t when they moved in together. Steve knows this. He knows Steve knows this because it’s been taken advantage of, many, many times. In many different positions.

Outside, it’s started raining a little and Bucky closes his eyes and leans back into the couch trying not to jostle Steve. If he tries hard enough he could maybe nap, but mostly he just wants to save it for the night. Sleep is...difficult on a good day and nearly impossible on bad ones, so he avoids naps. Usually, so does Steve but he knows Steve hasn’t been sleeping well either, with the whole coming out thing. He’d told him once, that he didn’t  _ have to _ , if it made him so anxious. They didn’t owe anyone a goddamn thing.

But then Steve had looked at him mulishly, not unlike when he had a spectacularly risky plan with no exit strategy and Bucky knew he’d made the decision. In hindsight, it’d been good. There was so much support, so much love, that they were hard-pressed to find fault in their choice.

Bucky makes the executive decision to order food in tonight because it’s raining and he’s lazy and also if they get hungry later, they have approximately four different kinds of bread and things to make sandwiches with because Steve had stress baked yesterday.

In his arms, Steve snuffles and blinks blearily. It’s the cutest fucking thing and Bucky goes back to trailing his fingers through Steve’s hair.

“Hey, sleepyhead.”

Steve smiles at him, a barely there uptick at the corner of his mouth, but he’s soft and pliant in Bucky’s arms and Bucky smiles back fondly.

“Food is on the way,” he says, when a few seconds later Steve’s stomach growls.

Steve nods, eyes closed. “You’re the best, love you.”

Bucky cranes his neck to give him an upside-down kiss, soft and chaste, sighing against Steve’s lips when he pulls back.

The rain falls more insistently drowning out the ambient sounds in their apartment. Bucky wiggles his toes because his foot had fallen asleep but resumes combing his fingers through Steve’s hair and is rewarded with a sleepy, “S’nice.”

“I read your interview,” he says, apropos of nothing and Steve blinks his eyes open.

“I don’t know if I wanna read it, they seemed nice but- well, you know.”

“It’s really good, actually. You got outed as a math nerd,” he teases.

Steve murmurs what sounds suspiciously like  _ that’s not all I outed myself as _ and Bucky cuffs the top of his head gently.

“That was terrible, even for you.”

“Was it though?”

Bucky looks at him, unimpressed. Steve is smiling at him playfully and Bucky digs his fingers into the sensitive spot under his ribs, making him squawk indignantly.

“It’s what you deserve,” he says primly and snorts when Steve flips him off.

He switches the TV on and they continue from where they had left off. Steve turns in his lap to face the TV and Bucky checks his phone, they can probably finish this episode before the food gets here.

He’s only half watching when the thought strikes him. “Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s get a dog.”

Steve turns to look up at him, smiling. “Let’s, I want one.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah let’s go tomorrow.”

Bucky smiles, pleased and excited because they’ve wanted one for a while but they’ve been putting it off for no particular reason. He thinks of all the things they need and thinks about how this feels like it’s going to be a Good Thing even before it’s begun.  He thinks of someday moving out of this apartment and into a house, of maybe,  _ maybe _ having a family, of the little black box at the bottom of his sock drawer and the black one hidden among Steve’s art drawer because neither of them is as subtle as they like, but also because they haven’t been hiding, not really. Just waiting for the right time.  _ Soon _ , he thinks, but for now, he turns the volume up on the TV and sinks further into their couch.

**Author's Note:**

> I've lowkey always wanted to attempt this, so I gave in and just did it. thank you for reading, I'd love to know what you thought!
> 
> [Here's a rebloggable tumblr post.](https://hasan-minhaj.tumblr.com/post/186154297713/all-this-and-love-too-by-adhoori-steve-rogers)
> 
> Title for the fake article is borrowed from [Chris Evans' The Hollywood Report cover](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/features/chris-evans-talks-trump-tom-brady-anxiety-retirement-rumors-1196705) (the magazine cover says Chris Evans: Avenged).
> 
> I also have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/aseriesofnows) if you're into that :)


End file.
